just a jok

[أسامه الحموي]

MARRIAGE!!!


!!!الــــــــــــــــــــزواج


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then, When you see what the other person has, You wish you had ordered that.
الزواج يشبة الي حد كبير الذهاب الي المطعم مع الأصدقاء ومن ثمة تقوم بطلب الطبق الذي تختاره شخصيا وبعد النظر في أطباق الأصدقاء تتمنى لو أنك طلبت نفس الذي في أطباقهم!!!!

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Man: Is there any way for long life?
رجل يقول للطبيب: هل هناك طريقة لاطلة العمر؟؟؟؟
Dr: Get married.
.!!رد الطبيب:تزوج
Man: Will it help?
الرجل: هل سيساعدني ذلك؟؟؟؟
Dr: No but the thought of long life will never come
الطبيب: لا..ولكن فكرة العمر الطويل لن تراودك مجددا مطلقا
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
الزوجة: حبيبي... اليوم هو عيد زواجنا ..ماذا سنفعل حيال ذلك؟؟؟
الزوج: فلنقف دقيقتان حدادا علي هذة الذكرى

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It ' s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It ' s like asking someone,
If suicide is better or being murdered.
فكرة غريبة ومضحكة ايضا عندما يتناقش الناس حول قضية الزواج عن حب ام الزواج المرتب(التقليدي) انة بمثابة المناقشة حول الانتحار ام الموت قتلا فالمحصلة واحدة في النهاية!!!!

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Before marriage,
A man will lie awake all night Thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he 'll fall asleep before you finish.
قبل الزواج: لا ينام الرجل مفكرا في كلام قد قالتة المرأة
بعد الزواج: ينام فورا وقبل ان تكمل المرأة حتي كلامها معه

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There' s a way of transferring funds
That is even faster than electronic banking.
It 's called marriage.

الزواج اسرع وسيلة لتحويل النقود وحتي اسرع من البنك وشركات الصرافة!!!

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Girlfriends are like CHOCOLATES - Taste good anytime.
الصديقات: مثل الشيكولاتة طعم لذيذ دائما ابدا
Lovers are like PIZZAS - Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
الحبيبة: مثل البيتزا الحارة وتؤكل علي فترات متباعدة غالبا
Wife 's are like Dhal & RICE - Eaten when there' s no choice.
الزوجات: مثل الأرز والمرق تأكلهما مجبرا

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don' t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
يصل للرجل تيلليجراف :ماتت زوجتك, هل ندفن ام نحرق الجثة؟
الرجل: لا مجال احرقوا الجثة وادفنوا رمادها ايضا

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Prospective husband:
Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women ' ?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
رجل يسأل امينة مكتبة: عندك كتاب (الرجل سيد المرأة)؟؟؟
أمينة المكتبة : لا ولكن ابحث في قسم كتب الخيال العلمي

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Q: Why dogs don ' t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog' s life!
لماذا لا يتزوج الكلب؟؟؟؟؟؟
لأنه طبيعي عايش عيشة الكلاب
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Fact of life:
One woman brings you into this world crying &
the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
حقيقة علمية: هناك امرأة جلبتك للحياة باكيا
وهناك اخري ستبقيك كذلك باقي حياتك
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Q: Why doesn 't law permit a man to marry a second woman (in the west)?
A: Because as per the law You cannot be punished twice For the same offence!
س: لماذا لا يسمح القانون في الغرب بتعدد الزوجات؟
جـ: لأنه قانونيا ايضا لا تصح المعاقبة عن نفس الجريمة مرتان




LIVE & LET LIVE!

[ريمه الخاني]

ماشاء الله روعة
شكرا لك

[ريمه الخاني]

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
------------ --------- --------- -
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
------------ --------- --------- -
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
------------ --------- --------- ------------ -------
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your bu rden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------ --------- ---------
Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
____________ _________ _________ __
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
----------- --------- --------- ------------ -------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
------------ --------- --------- -
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replie d: 'I like your sense of humor!"

[فراس الحكيم]

هدية الأخ زياد أبو فارة - مع الشكر له

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors
*


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
*


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
*


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
*


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
*


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
*


"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W.. Bush
*


"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
*


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
*


"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
*


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal
*


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
*


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
*


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
*


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong..
Barack Obama
*


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
*


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
*


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
*


“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman
*


“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring....soon after....comes Suffer…ing!
Jay Leno
عن منتدى الرقمي

[فراس الحكيم]

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for؟
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

الزوجة : يا حبيبى تدوّر على ايش؟
الزوج : و لا شي.
الزوجة: أنت صار لك ساعة تقرأ شهادة زواجنا.
الزوج :لابس كنت ادور على تاريخ الانتهاء.
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Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife؟؟
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

سؤال : ما الفرق بين الأم و الزوجة؟
الإجابة: واحدة جابتك للدنيا تبكي و الثانية تضمنلك إنك بتبكي طول عمرك.
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
الزوجة : تبي تتعشى؟
الزوج : طبعا ...ماذا أختار؟
الزوجة : ايه ولا لا.
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"


الزوجة : إنت دايما شايل صورتى معاك و رايح بها المكتب ...ليه؟
الزوج: لما احصل مشكلة مهما كانت معقدة أشوف صورتك احصلها انحلت على طول.
الزوجة: شايف أنا وش كثر مهمة بالنسبة لك
الزوج: أيوة...اشوف صورتك و أقول لنفسى " وش المشكلة اللى ممكن تكون أكبر من هذه!
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.


البنت: لما نتزوج أنا اريد أشاركك فى كل مشاكلك و متاعبك و أخففها عنك.
الولد : لكن أنا ما عندي مشاكل.
البنت: أيوه لإننا لسة ما اتزوجنا.
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Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up
my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


الابن : ماما لما كنا راكبين الباص أنا و بابا اليوم قاللي اعطي مكانى لآنسة واقفة.
الأم: انت عملت الصح يا حبيبى.
الابن : لكن أنا كنت قاعد على حجر بابا.
______




A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"



الزوج الجديد لزوجته: كنتى بتتزوجيني لو ما كان بابا ترك لي كل الثروة هذه.
الزوجة: يا حبيبى أنا كنت بتزوجك بغض النظر مين اللى ترك لك الثروة.
______



Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrow! ed it. He wants to scare his parents."

الأب يقول لابنه بعد الامتحان: ورينى شهادة درجاتك.
الابن : صاحبى أخدها يخوف بيها ابوه وامه.
______



A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face
or my ******y body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour.

سألت زوجة زوجها: وش تحب فيني.....وجهى الجميل أم جسمى المتناسق؟
فنظر إليها الزوج من تحت لفوق و قال : بحب روح الدعابة اللى فيك.



أتمنى انها تعجبكم
Hope you like it

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