The Snow White Man. رجل الثلج الأبيض

[Ramia-KH]

كان هناك طفلة صغيرة تدعى"راميا" وكانت تهوى اللعب بالثلج ,حتى أنها كانت تنتظر فصل الشتاء بفارغ الصبر,وفي يوم من الأيام..
هطل ثلج كثير جدا..فخرجت راميا إلى حديقة المنزل هي وأختها الأصغر,وأخذا يلعبا به,وقد ارتديا الملابس المناسبة.
وعندما انتهيا من اللعب به قالت راميا لأختها:
-ما رأيك أن نصنع رجلا ثلجيا رائعا؟
قالت لها أختها :
-فكرة رائعة جميلة.
وأخذا يعملا على بنائه حتى اكتمل تماما.
أعجبت راميا وأختها كثيرا بما صنعا..حتى أنهما كانا يلعبا به ويدورا حوله بفرح.
ومرت دقائق بعد ذلك فنادتهما أمهما:
-ماذا يا أ مي؟
قالت الأم:
-موعد الغداء قد حان ..هيا يا أولاد.
-قالا لها :
-حسنا..
وعندما انتهى الغداء جاءت الأم وأعطت كل من الأب والطفلتين شراب الشوكولاه اللذيذ الساخن, واستمتعا بوقتهم .
وعندما حل المساء اتجه كل من الأم والأب والطفلتين إلى غرف نومهم, وناموا نوما حالما.
*******
بزغ الفجر واستيقظت العائلة صباحا,وحل موعد الفطور,وبعد الفطور ذهب الأب لعمله.
نظرت راميا وأختها من النافذة ,فوجدت أن الثلج بدأ يذوب , والشمس بدأت تسطع , لكن ما حال رجل الثلج؟
ركضتا إلى الحديقة ولم يجدا شيئا!
فقد اختفى...لكن راميا وأختها لم يتوقعا أي توقع سوى أنه اختطف!

عادتا إلى المنزل وأخذتا بالبكاء الشديد ,وقالت لهما أمهما:
-ما بالكما يا صغاري؟
-رجل الثلج الذي صنعناه البارحة قد اختطف.
فأخذت الأم بالضحك وقالت لهما:
-يا صغاري إن رجل الثلج قد ذاب لأنه قد سطعت الشمس.
ثم قالت الطفلتان:
-أها الآن عرفنا سبب فقداننا لرجل الثلج.
دخلت الطفلتان مع والدتها إلى منزلهم بسعادة



There was a kid who is called (Ramia) and she was fond of playing with snow, till she was waiting for the winter season eagerly.
One day, it snowed a lot, Ramia and her sister wore the suitable clothes then they went out to the house park and started to play with it.
When they finished, Ramia told her sister: What about making a snow white man?
Her sister: A very wonderful idea. Ramia and her sister started to build up the snow white man until they finished. They were impressed of what they made and they started to play and swerved around it joufully. Few minutes passed and their mom called them: it is the lunch time! Come on my kids. They all had their lunch and mom brought to them and dad the hot chocolate syrup. At the evening, they all went to their bedrooms and slept. In the morning. They had their breakfast and dad went to his work, Ramia and her sister looked out of the window and they found that the snow started to melt and the sun began shining, they went out and they found nothing, they expected that it was taken away, they came back home and cried a lot. their mom asked them: why are you crying my kids? They said: the snow man that we made was taken away, their mom laugh and said: kids, it melts because the sun began shining. They replied: Ah! now we knew the reason of the disappearance of the snow white man, then they entered the house happily.


Rama

[سارة الحكيم]

In the name of Allah.
Good morning Miss Ramia.
I really appreciate your hard working to make the translation better.But still , it is not wrong to keep making mistake after two trials , because we need to learn . I would like to tell you that , you are still repeating same mistakes.You have translated some words literary like the word ''حتى '' to '' until'' , and in English , it has different meaning and use.The meaning you have given here is this ''she loves playing snow when she was waiting for winter then she doesn't like to play.That what ''until '' gave meaning , Miss Ramia. It has to be expressed in other words. Let's talk about the knowledge of other language i told you about.
In the original text we see this expression that is used in Arabic ''حتى أنها كانت تنتظر فصل الشتاء بفارغ الصبر '' and it should/can be expressed in proper way in English.I will show you that when i put my translation.The same case is in this sentence '' هطل الثلج كثيرا..فخرجت راميا هي و أختها و أخذا يلعبا معا و قد ارتديا الملابس المناسبة ''
You have made it separately enough that it changed meaning that the red words i highlighted gives .The letter '' ف'' in Arabic means , she immediately came out to play when the snow started to fall.But you have used the word '' then'' that gives extra time for the reaction , and in that way you changed the meaning in the original text.The highlighted words here ''Ramia and her sister started to build up the snow man until they finished '' has wrong meaning according to the original one here ''حتى اكتمل تماما''. ''until they finished '' means they finished playing not the snow man , or you have to complete it with this '' until they completely finished making/building up the snow man'' . Even that you can say that in different way.As well as , I told you about the quotation mark to put it where ever there a saying and it is so important in grammar .In addition , you have omitted alot of words and small sentences in the original text.And as a translator , you should make to translate the original text without changing meaning or omitting a word because that's the job of a translator.Translator is only the line between the writer and reader .So he/she not suppose to add or omit anything. Same to many other mistakes you have made. I am not writing you the proper translation after every comment so you can think about it and you get more benefit of trying.
Have a nice day~

[ريمه الخاني]

اضطررنا لحذف الموضوع التالي بسبب عطل برمجي وإليكم ما فاتكم:
نص الترجمة النهائي:

سارة الحكيم:
The Snow White Man- Sarah al Hakim's translation

Once up on time , there was a child is called Ramia . She loves to play with snow that she can't wait until winter to come. One day , it snowed a lot , and Ramia came out with her sister and they started playing together with snow as they wore the proper cloth .When they finished playing with it , Ramia said to her sister '' What do you thinking of making a fantastic snow man?''. '' Good idea! '' her sister answered .They started making it until it is complete. Ramia and her sister were impressed of what they made that they were playing and twirls around it with delight .Minutes passed as their mother called them. ''What is it mom?'' they answered . '' It is lunch time! , come on in my little kids!''.'' ok! '' they replied .After the lunch , the mother served to the father and the two children delicious hot chocolate drinks and they had good time. When the night settled , the mother , the father and the two children went to bed and had good dreams .The dawn broke , the family woke up in the morning and it is time for breakfast .After that ,the father went to his work .Ramia and her sister looked throw the window as they noticed the snow is melting and the sun is rising. '' What happened to the snow man?'' they wondered .They ran out to the park but they found nothing! It disappeared!
The two sisters expected nothing than the snow man has been taken away .They went back home crying . ''What's wrong my sweeties ? ''the mother asked. '' The snow man we made yesterday has been taken away !''they answered.
The mother laughed and said '' The snow man has melted because the sun brightened ''.''Oh! Now we know the reason of missing the snow man!'' the two children replied .The two children and the mother went into the house after that with pleasure.

,

thanks for your translation but:
نحن نعرف جيداً أنه عندما نستخدم علامات الترقيم فهناك قواعد: مثال على ذلك عندما نضع الفاصلة أو النقطة بعد نهاية الجملة فإننا نضغط على فراغ ثم نبدأ بالجملة التالية.ونعرف أن Afterهي رابط بين جملتين مستقريتين. فلا يجب أن نضع After وبعدها جملة وبعدها ننهيها.. عليك أن تضعي فاصلة وتكملي الشطر الثاني كما في قواعد اللغة الإنكليزية:

After that the father went to his work.Ramia and her sister looked throw the window as they noticed the snow is melting and the sun is rising.


مع تحياتي,


راما

سارة الحكيم

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم.
نعم هذا صحيح و هذا خطأ طباعي او نسيان ، أقدر لك هذا الانتباه ^_^ تحياتي. تم التصحيح.