I Declare Today That

I Declare Today That:
I will not wallow in self-pity. I will take an action step.
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Dear Friend

,

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine." ~ Anthony J. D'Angels

We all try to be brave, keep moving forward, and keep a stiff upper lip. Our parents and teachers encourage us in this direction. But sometimes, things just feel overwhelming and we want to wallow in self pity. That's when the Pity Party starts and it's okay, as long as you learn from doing it and don't stay in that mode for days without end.

In those dark days when the bad seems to outweigh the good, we let our doubt and fear run rampant. We begin to think there's no solution. We think things are not fair. We indulge that "Why me?" idea.

Everything that happens in our lives brings a lesson along with it. I have thought that perhaps the lesson from "bad stuff" happening is: my thinking must be way off track. Since what I think is what I get, I can turn this around by changing my thinking back toward normal, which is the good.

One of the blessings that comes along when you feel sorry for yourself and indulge in a Pity Party is that it is so uncomfortable inside that party, after being down for awhile, you begin to look for ways to stop feeling victimized; stop feeling like you are the kicking boy of fate. You run a whole bunch of scenarios through your mind, mostly negative because you feel so powerless and angry, as ways to quit feeling uncomfortable. Those who aren't fatalistic enough to put an end to their lives usually discover a solution, begin to take the steps toward resolution, and they end up building fabulous character.

I think self pity serves a good purpose. It's a way to sort of cave in on yourself, bury yourself in your own thinking, entertain a wide variety of ideas that may or may not be solutions, cast aside the ones that you know are silly or useless, and whittle down your options until you find that one perfect idea that you know that you can begin to take action on and subsequently get yourself out of your funk.

I wouldn't indulge in Pity Parties for too long, though. Running all those emotions through your mind can be exhausting! Don't sit in judgment on yourself if you have ideas about guilt, embarrassment or harsh judgment. A Pity Party is a process, a good process. Yes, it's self-indulgent, but it's also a way to sort through your options. It might help you to record or write out your feelings. It will help make your options more clearly visible; at the end, you can destroy what you've recorded or written down. You might "whine" at a close friend who can provide good feedback to help you find a solution.

Here's a little tip I've learned about Life that might help you when the next Pity Party event happens. I recognized that less-than-good things change. I also learned that truly good things never change. So if an unpleasant experience arises, and you are overwhelmed by emotions that are uncomfortable, and you dip down into that self pity mode, these are less-than-good things than can change. And they change back to truly good things because truly good things are the norm.

You'd be really well served to keep track of all the good that exists in your life. Since what you think about is what you create more of, you can let go of having Pity Parties and think something so much better into existence.

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself." ~ Lucille Ball


Take Action Now

1. I will turn my "Why Me's?" into an opportunity to change.

2. I will look for the lesson in every "Why Me?" and head it's message.

3. I will put a time limit on my Pity Parties.
Warmest regards,
Maria
Master Integrative Coach,
Ford Institute for Transformational Training
and Integrative Coaching